I have a habit when things go wrong, of playing "what if." Regretting something I've done....wishing I hadn't missed out on an opportunity....has made me miserable at times. For the past several days I've been caught up in several 'what ifs.' I noticed a nodule on my thyroid gland and was sent for a nuclear scan. I told the technician I wanted to be an active participant in my health care and to please leave the screen where I could see it. Reluctantly, she did so. When the probe was placed on the nodule, I saw a large white circle indicating it did not uptake the iodine. It looked like a Cold nodule. Days later I sat in my doctor's office as she read the report. "No nodule visible on scan which is consistent with Goiter..." Puzzled, I assured my doctor I had seen a Cold nodule and did not understand why the report said it wasn't visible. However since the radiologist said it was a goiter, I accepted medication to treat it. Two days had passed when my doctor called to tell me she asked for a recheck of my scans. It was a Cold nodule afterall. I stopped taking medication for hypo-active goiter and began medication to shrink my hyper-active Cold nodule. Confusion hit me. Then came the game of 'what if?'....What if I hadn't insisted on seeing my scans at the time they were done? What if my doctor hadn't believed me when I told her what I saw? What if the diagnosis of 'goiter' had not been changed? I would now be taking the wrong medication for the wrong diagnosis! When the "close call" hit me full force, I shuddered. The 'What ifs' took control of me....... As I pondered these things, a Psalm of David came to mind. "The angel of the Lord encamps all around those who fear Him, and delivers them." I realized that a guardian angel had been with me in the room during the scans, and he saw to it that I was allowed to read them for myself. I thanked God for a doctor who had faith in me and as a result requested another reading of the scans. (How many other doctors would take the word of a 71 year old medically untrained woman against that of a Radiologist?) I found Divine truths evident in every detail of those few days. For instance, I had not taken enough medication for goiter to adversely effect the thyroid gland. Within 3 days I was on the right medication for the right condition. In hindsight, I had not had one thing to worry about. God was in control. Gradually thankfulness that I finally got the right diagnosis replaced the 'what ifs.' This experience brought to mind an incident that happened earlier this year when a friend of ours submitted a bid to buy a farm at auction. It was a tract of land on which he had been allowed to graze cattle and raise fodder for decades. We were interested because our family cemetery was located there, so we joined in praying the Lord would give him the high bid. But at the auction a complete stranger who planned to move from his home 200 miles away got the farm! All our hopes and prayers were dashed in that moment. Terribly dismayed, I began to play 'What if.' What if our friend had tried to raise more funds for a higher bid? What if we have done this or that to change the outcome? We had never asked others to pray along with us.... could corporate prayer have made a difference? We wondered if God really knew how important this was to us? (Trying to think like God and figure out His ways can be tricky) Weeks passed yet no one moved onto the farm. Then the new owner came to our friend with an offer. He said that after thinking it over, he wanted to keep the farm but not live on it. Therefore he needed a caretaker to supervise it and asked if my friend would be willing to do it for a fee? In addition, he could graze his cattle and raise crops on the farm just as he had been doing for years. The offer was gladly accepted. With that, all of our 'what ifs' were answered. God had heard our prayers! "You wanted to pay for the farm while I wanted to hand it to you for free," was His answer. In our despair we thought our God was silent. In actuality, His plan was better than ours. My friend has the free use of the farm with no taxes to pay and no maintenance costs. If I ever play the game of "What if" again I hope someone reminds me that I am not supposed to worry and fret about things I cannot change. Our God is in charge of the 'what ifs' of our lives. Evelyn R. Smith ©2000 Bible Center Church Back To Main Page / Archive of Previous Articles